Jaded Eyes
by Miss Mooney
Summary: Harry falls into a deep depression over the summer and formulates a plan to escape from it all...with a twist.
1. Prologue

_ ((A/N: This is just a random idea I've had floating around in my head for awhile and I thought I'd finally sit down and start writing it. I'm not sure if people will like it or not, so let me know. It all revolves around a simple quote that Harry said back in OotP so I expanded on it.  
  
Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own Harry Potter or anything relating to that nature, all I own are my pitiful ideas and at points, some various own creations. Sue me and you can have my college loan payments to work off.  
  
So, on to the story. This first chapter is only a prologue so don't errm, hurt me if you don't understand it right away....))  
  
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"I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?" "Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part  
of being human-"  
"THEN - I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!"  
**Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, pg.824**  
  
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**_Prologue:_**  
  
Inside a dark room with the curtains drawn shut so that even an inch of sunlight would have a hard time getting in, a young man rested on his bed. His mood had drastically changed from a few weeks ago where he'd thrown a tantrum in the headmaster's office, breaking trinkets which he presumed were already repaired. Most of the time he skulked in his room when he wasn't required to be the Dursleys' private house elf and this left his temperament fluctuating within any given moment. With the recent death of his godfather, he spent more time brooding than he'd prefer and even tried to give up feeling emotions at all.  
  
The line, "_THEN – I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!_" kept playing through his thoughts as well. He hadn't known just what made him say that particular phrase, but it wasn't something he could seem to let go of. Vague memories of a conversation with Sirius and his escape from Azkaban flittered back and forth and he remembered that animal emotions were less complex than those of a human. From that, a plan began to formulate even if he didn't have the necessary equipment to complete it. For now though, he bided his time and sent the normal messages to the Order as to sedate them.  
  
While he wasn't treated entirely well, the threat Moody had made at Kings Crossing at least left an impression upon the Dursleys. This summer he still had his daily chores, but unlike the others, his room was left unlocked and his rations of food had increased enough to be able to withstand asking his friends for help. They did allow him to leave the house if he chose, but that was rare these days, and Vernon did encourage Harry to continue his solitude.  
  
He knew the Order still had their shifts set around No. 4 Privet Drive as he'd caught sight of Tonks' pink hair and a few times Snape made himself known to Harry if he was outside with his usual sneer. How Harry despised the constant watch of the grounds. If what Dumbledore had said was true, Voldemort could not enter the house and he could see no reason for members of the Order to waste their time there. What he didn't know was that the main reason for their presence was more or less for Harry's personal welfare since Dumbledore insisted that the young man could very well be depressed and irrational at the moment, meaning it wasn't impossible to for him to do something he'd deeply regret.  
  
The summer moved at a snail's pace it seemed, and while he continued to contact his friends and the Order, it didn't help to pull him out of the bout he was in. It also appeared that summer couldn't end quickly enough so that he could get back to Hogwarts and put his plan into action. He knew that people would be hurt, worried and possibly angry, but to him it was a risk he was prepared to take. More deaths had been caused by him and he couldn't deal with all the guilt anymore.  
  
But the end finally came and September 1st finally rolled around which meant Uncle Vernon dropped Harry off at Kings Cross as fast as possible and sped off before someone he knew might catch sight of him. Harry's belongings were with him and he had been lucky enough to hitch a ride into London the one day to fetch the new school supplies from Diagon Alley. He did spend more times in the Apothecary than was normal, but dismissed it as part of his master plan. No, he wasn't suicidal as Dumbledore thought, but rather something more unexpected.  
  
So there he stood at platform 9 ¾ with ample time before the train left. Silently he passed through the wall and looked around to see that very few of his fellow schoolmates had appeared yet. This suited him well as he boarded the train and picked out a compartment that ended up being the last one and hoped no one would find him, even Ron and Hermione.  
  
An hour later he found himself staring at the two and placed an awkward smile on his face. He needed to keep up his act; it was as simple as that. No one could know what he was up to or all would be for nothing. He knew no one would approve which is why he kept it secret. It was foolish, yes, but that didn't deter him as he'd already made up his mind. Come tomorrow, he would find himself locked in the deserted girls bathroom with Moaning Myrtle watching over his shoulder as he attempted to brew a difficult potion on his own.  
  
The train ride was pure torture for him; although he didn't show it and was able to fool the two into thinking that he was all right and most importantly, wasn't going to do anything stupid. The Sorting Ceremony ended quickly, yet still not enough for him. Too many people, yes, there were too many people for his likings around him and it already was taking its toll. This had to be done swiftly.  
  
Dean, Seamus, and Neville fell under his false sense of security and they too assumed that everything was normal for the teen. He and his mates eventually made their way back to the Gryffindor tower and he pulled the curtains around his bed and at some point hours later, fell asleep. Nightmares plagued him once again as they had for the entire summer and that night's were no exception.  
  
He woke the next morning with a cold sweat and chills running up and down his body as he breathed hard and looked at the still forms of his friends as they slept. Perfect as he was able to leave the dorm without them noticing. With a wave of his wand, cauldron, ingredients, and book were shrunken and placed inside a pocket only to be retrieved in the bathroom later. Harry was grateful for knowing that no one else would be coming to the area and probably wouldn't think to look for him their if they noticed him missing.  
  
Hours later his potion was bubbling violently as he dipped a ladle into the mixture and placed it into a glass. It looked horribly unappetizing with its muddy brown color and thick consistency. He dropped something into the glass and raised it to his lips and downed the entire contents. The glass was shattered against the wall moments later and with that he declared,  
  
"For now and forever, I shall never be human again..."  
  
_((A/N: Err, okay, so umm, tell me what you think? Scrap it or continue on? R&R!))_


	2. Unlasting Peace

_ ((A/N: Well, I got quite a number of nice reviews from people in less than 24 hours so I thought I'd be nice back and post an update right away for you all. Hope it doesn't turn out to be a disappointment!  
  
**HecateDeMort: **Thanks!  
**  
S.A.B.:** Intriguing people is good cause it leaves cliffhangers and makes people want more. Yep, heh.  
**  
kaelindarkstar:** Okay, okay, I get the hint.   
  
**naughtigirl:** Thanks, will do!  
  
**Anya:** Oooh, I always like when people tell me what they like about the story. Thanks!  
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athenakitty: **What did Harry brew? Nuh uh, you gotta wait just like everyone else!  
  
**HermioneChick08:** Hopefully you aren't disappointed!  
  
**colorguardbaby23:** I think I should take a bow...Cliffhangers are a specialty of mine.  
  
**ironic-humour:** Onward we go! Enjoy!  
  
**( ): **Oooh! Okay! I'll take the 10 reviews you threatened me with. :P  
  
**RandiWeasley:** That quick enough for ya? Wink wink.  
  
Oh, I just wanted to let you all know that all of my stories are un-betaed so there are mistakes! Don't kill me if you see one!  
  
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"I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?"   
"Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human-"  
"THEN - I – DON'T – WANT – TO – BE – HUMAN!"  
**Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, pg.824**  
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His eyes darted back and forth as he padded silently through the corridors of Hogwarts. Belatedly in his plan, he realized he had no where to go after the potion incident and decided to remain in the castle. Harry's little stunt had left the entire school in chaos since no one could figure out what had happened to him, nor could they find any clues as they didn't know if he'd been kidnapped or whatnot. But quite frankly in his opinion, he didn't care in the least. That part had indeed been his plan since he wished to care no longer about human endeavors.  
  
To make sure no one could manage to find out what had happened to him, he discarded all of the possessions in the girl's bathroom along with his clothing which would've been left on the floor, shredded in parts. The rest of the potion been drained in hopes that even the cantankerous potion's master couldn't tell what it had been. So far, it'd been a week and no one could make heads or tails as to his whereabouts.  
  
He preferred it this way.  
  
Occasionally he'd slip into a classroom while a professor was droning on about something or other and hide in the shadows, watching all his old friends and enemies. Never did they notice him, but this was in part because of his silky black coat that now surrounded his body. The form he picked wasn't one he'd generally find himself slinking around in, but it suited his purpose well as most people wouldn't think twice about crossing him in the halls. Especially seeing as quite a few students had cats of their own and seeing a random black one wouldn't bring up any questions.  
  
The potion had done its job well, so well in fact, that he had inky black fur and white lightening bolt marking above his right eye, which were the same startling green as they had been when he was human. On a passing glance, one wouldn't catch the similarities between the cat and the once boy-who-lived, but under a careful examination, he would be caught, which was only a matter of time. Time that he extended by hiding within those dark shadows, emerging only when most students were in bed and they wouldn't see him.  
  
While he was thoroughly enjoying his time of not caring, Harry did catch some of the reactions to his disappearance. Hermione and Ron both seemed distraught which was to be expected with both of them being his best friends even if he had been distant for the last few months. A few of his professors, namely McGonagall, Hagrid, and Tonks (who'd stepped in for the DADA position until someone more suitable could be found), were prone to points of sadness in their lectures and even Snape, the cold bastard that he was, when around with no others with the exception of staff members, seemed subdued. Harry shrugged this off though by telling himself that Snape cared nothing about him, but rather about the fact that he was the one who was supposed to defeat the dark lord.  
  
Dumbledore though, was one that even Harry's sensitive feline senses couldn't pick up and decipher. It seemed that the headmaster had taken over Snape's job of hiding his emotions and looking as if nothing could bother him. But the young man now turned cat was careful to avoid those perceptive gazes the headmaster always used. He had no desire for his newfound form to be found out and he figured that if he could keep to himself, things would be fine.  
  
How wrong he was...  
  
One Friday afternoon found Harry curled up down in the dank dungeons while the third year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs attempted to brew their needed potions under the watchful glares of Professor Snape. A bit later, the scared students packed up their equipment while placing the pitiful potions into a vial and handing it over to be graded. While they shuffled out, Harry stole through the shadows towards the door, unfortunately having to enter a lighted area to leave. That's where he was sighted.  
  
He was almost there, almost to the opening of the door when a spell was blasted at him and his entire body froze up. Hissing loudly as two rough hands picked him up, he struggled against the spell and ultimately, capture. None other than Severus Snape was examining him with narrowed eyes and utmost loathing.  
  
"Potter..." He sneered, holding the cat now by the scruff of his neck, "So you thought it was funny to put the entire school into a panic over your disappearance while you haven't been gone at all, instead, just merely in a transfigured state of things. Tell me, just how did you manage to perfect the Animagus spell so quickly over the summer?"  
  
Harry just stared blankly back into the piercing orbs of the professor, hoping he'd look innocent enough to pass as an ordinary cat. A few 'terrified' mews later, Snape still wasn't impressed and he set the cat down on the desk and hobbled the four legs with rope as to not let him escape.  
  
"You know Potter, I shall feel no guilt in handing you straight over to the hordes of people that are horrifically worried about you at the moment, and letting you handle them. It's your fault for getting into this mess so you'll have the fun of getting yourself out." Snape muttered a spell and a brilliant blue-white light shot out of his wand and hit the cat smack in the chest, but nothing happened. "So, not an Animagus then, are you Potter? Just what did you do to yourself? No matter, I'm sure Dumbledore will find an appropriate matter of action to take."  
  
Once again the cat was rough handled as he was picked up and taken through the halls where students caught sight of their professor holding a cat by the scruff of the neck and keeping it as far away from his body as possible. Moments later they arrived at the gryphon statue where Snape sneered and gave the password, "Ice Mice," and the entrance was reveled to them.  
  
Albus stared at the man in bewilderment, especially since he knew Severus wasn't fond of cats. "Severus, what brings you up here?"  
  
"Well, Albus, I seem to have found what you've been looking for. Even I would've thought Potter more capable of hiding if he didn't want to be found, but anyhow, he's your problem now. And before you ask, no, it's not an Animagus form as I did check," he snarled and dropped the cat harshly onto the desk.  
  
He swept out of the room without a second thought, leaving the disgruntled cat and confused headmaster alone. Of course the man took no chances and promptly equipped the cat with a collar around his neck with a small tracking device as well as locking the door to ensure that the cat didn't escape.  
  
"Well, Mr. Potter it seems as if you'd have some explaining to do if you were capable of doing so. I do wonder though why you chose to do this to yourself and those around you. To me it seems selfish and doesn't serve a clear purpose, although I'm sure you think otherwise. I will have to find Minerva as I do believe cats can speak a type of language with each other I expect you to tell her everything," he said, the disappointment evident in his voice. "I am sorry about this, but I don't wish to have you disappearing on us again," he added as he transfigured a chair into a large cage and placed Harry into it.  
  
"Minerva, would you please come to my office? I have a serious matter to discuss with you," He called through the floo network. Moments later the stern woman made her way into the room and stared at the black cat snarling and hissing at the bars on his cage.  
  
"Headmaster, if you don't mind, why on earth are you keeping a cat?" She asked, her eyes obviously not catching sight of the telltale scar on the forehead of the cat.  
  
"My dear Minerva, please take a closer look at the so called cat and I think you'll understand."  
  
That she did and finally it clicked as the startling green eyes narrowed, ears flattened and more hissing came from the throat of the Harry Potter cat. Her eyes widened with surprised and she stumbled back and found herself sitting on a chair to situate herself. "Albus tell me, how did Potter manage the Animagus spell that easily?"  
  
"He didn't. Severus was the one who found Harry and brought him to me. He attempted the counter to the Animagus spell and said there was no effect. I'm presuming that a potion was used as it can be used as a more permanent means of things at times. I do not know why he did this, but that is why I called you up here. I'm curious as to if you would be able to speak with him so to speak through a feline way."  
  
"I can certainly try, Albus," She gave her approval and the grey tabby cat appeared where only moments before the transfiguration teacher stood.  
  
"Harry? Why did you do this?"  
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((A/N: Heh, sorry, nope, that's next time's adventure. Ahh yeah, just to mention, this isn't going to be a long story. Just something that's been bugging me and wanted to get written down, so well, yeah. Then back to my other one which really does need to be updated.  
  
As I said before, continue, scrap, read, review, it's all up to you!))_


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